Sometimes it is difficult to put the shards of life into words. Part of me wants a tumbler to be able to take those shards and tumble them until they are smooth and rounded like sea-glass.

There is the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” and I have always tried to do that with all that has been flung my way over the years. However sometimes it is hard, you get your lemonade mix just right and then wham! There is another bucket of lemons you are supposed to add into the lemonade, and it becomes sour again. I feel like I am running out of sugar. I take a step forward and find hope, I cling to it and then smack my cord of hope is cut and I am crashing to the ground. I have to pick myself up and dust off and go out looking again for a new glimmer of hope. Like a crow I keep looking for something beautiful and sparkly to bring back to my nest to store. Yet it seems to all be unraveling right now.

Yoga was this morning, it was a full class with lots of newbies, which means the teacher goes over the basics, and I was fine with it feeling tight from the week, I needed a simpler practice. I enjoyed focusing on my movements and breath and not worrying about things too much. Then at the end in Suvasana, when my body was still and my muscles relaxed tears came pouring out of my eyes like unexpected waterfalls and I just couldn’t stop. I ended my practice with red eyes sobbing and I am not even sure why, I just know I am too tight and I have too much on my shoulders. I have a real longing to find something knew and inspiring to do, and absolute fear that I have lost my chances before they were even real. FEAR has invaded my mind and body leaving nights sleepless with my mind spinning.