You don’t really need anything, so just dream. Be responsible and close the computer, walk away.

I have been trembling to write. Words pile up in my mind stringing themselves together into sentences that there they seem elegant and meaningful and when I go to put them on paper they dissolve into thin air. Like butterflies these sentences and thoughts dance in front of me just out of my reach, I cannot catch them, but I try. Nonetheless I am trying, to put words to the remarkableness of people, of education, of travel, of hope, future, and bubbling excitement for all that life can be.

As the plane came through the clouds we could see mount hood snow clad and towering through the lower cloud cover. Then the sea of green and water that is so unfamiliar to my eyes. My heart jerked and panged as I remembered this green and gray landscape that used to be my home. Off the plane and outside my skin rejoiced from the think moisture that hung in the air. Every memory of dryness disappeared in that moment as my skin celebrated and my eyes drank in the moisture and greenness. I sucked in the fresh air that the scent of growth clung too.

Graduation propelled me to think about next steps. I started my MBA with the attitude “that time passes anyway” and it did and now I am done. So with that same thought in mind I am looking at what are those next plans that I should lay to make the next leap. I feel antsy and ready for a new challenge, the next step, and at the same time I feel like my mind is cluttered and scattered. I need organization to take up residence inside my head. I need to create neat stacks of projects and new goals. And most of all I need to actually just do it (as Nike would say).

Now that I have written, it isn’t what I actually want to say, what I want to say is the huge plans I have, the love and appreciation I have in my heart for my classmates, and teachers. The sheer joy I have in learning. What I want say won’t exactly come out, in perfectly formed sentences. So I give you this, because it is what I have today.

It is exciting to feel the buzz of artistic energy feel my mind again. It is slow and inconsistent in its flow still like a bad electrical line it falters and then jolts a little extra juice, sparks fly. My mind is running with a hundred thoughts split between work, art and the insistent worry that takes up residence in the darker corners of my mind. I feel an overwhelming surge of energy to jump in, yet financial resources hold me back. The new art I wish to create takes time and money to create, so I have to dream instead of act, and hope that while I wait for things to change, the ideas take on stronger shapes rather then fading away.  The future is there, and I know all I need to do is reach out and grab it. Then do it again and again, because the possibility is never ending.

Ever since the Flagstaff Photography Portfolio Review, I have been thinking about my artwork in a new way.  It has allowed me to move away from some of the expansion I had done (illustration, photography, graphic design etc) and think about focusing just on what I do uniquely. I am thinking about a new series, either “naked skin” or “exposed” as a title, working with a fellow photographer I am thinking of doing photographic work of my scars and working with that as a base of my artwork. It would be something new and a bit different. It would push my boundaries of comfort and expand on my idea of uncovering that which we wish to hide, which for me is my scares and disability.

It is strange to talk about this idea that is just forming, still in bud form with out much support. It feels uncomfortable and at the same time exciting. It could be great, and it could be a total flop, but either way it can be brought into existence and the process who knows what will be learned? I feel like I am on the edge of lake, almost ready to take a plunge but fearful of the cold water that could take my breath away. Is it worth the risk of hyperthermia? Is it worth jumping in and taking a risk with the chance of total failure?

I have exciting news to share! I am going to be offering a limited run of hand painted original Castle of Dreams paintings through Wish Studio Trunk show. The website is coming soon!  These paintings, will only be available through this Trunk Show, they measure 5”x7.5” and are hand painted, so they may vary slightly, they are all watercolor and pen.  If you have seen this painting of mine before now is your chance because it will never be available exactly like this again! Not only are they only available through the Trunk Show they are priced at a special Trunk Show price $30.00 each. This price includes original painting hand signed and numbered on the back of it, and wrapped in a protective package. In the United States this price also includes priority mail, worldwide shipping will be parcel post and an additional $5 will be charged. This is a fabulous deal to own a piece of an original artwork, what better way to celebrate your dreams?

This trunk show is part of an amazing art retreat that will be held at the end of April. I am delighted to be able to participate in this workshop and its due in part to the generous grant from West Valley Arts. This weekend I will be going to rather elaborate Diamond Ball put on by the West Valley Arts Council where I will be recognized and be give the first half of my grant! I am so excited about this incredible opportunity, and hope that is just the start of many more wonderful opportunities.

So the New Year has come the old is gone. (Reviewed here) And I can already feel the earth tighten the momentum builds to start its fast spin of the year. The first day of the year is already gone. The day spent with a friend, a teacher, eating vegan burgers and driving big freeways. It is a new year, a new me and I am already a bit scared but I am excited too because I have this amazing feeling that my life is about to change. That I am finally ready to leave that picked on, shy yet at the same time overly outgoing high school girl behind, I am ready to leave lack of confidence, and worry and replace it with serenity and inner confidence. I am ready to start a new life, or at least a new segment of my life. I don’t know where these feelings are coming from (and I know it won’t be smooth sailing from here out) but the thing something is shifting and it is good. Inspired by the talented Ali Edwards I have again chosen my word of the year as well and as you may have guessed it is FRESH START. This year will be a year of new beginnings of possibility and clean slates.

I really want to take this retreat, what an amazing concept. This retreat is great way to break down physical barriers and to connect artists from all over. I think this it is revolutionary. I wrote a grant on Thursday to fund this class and then support a class of my own that I have been planning and piecing together for some time to teach locally on creativity along with an art show! It would be exciting to get funded for this project. It is always scary putting yourself forward to be scrutinized with the possibility of being rejected.  The possibility of failure is so great, that just the very idea of it is often so much it freezes us in our tracks, or at least it does me. Yet if we don’t try we never have the chance to succeed. If we don’t put ourselves forward into the world and say, “here I am” the world doesn’t know you are there. It is very rare when the world seeks you out. Of course that is the most flattering and wonderful thing, but like I said very rare.

Sometimes I worry about how I splash myself onto the canvas of the world with thick paint in rushed and broad-brush strokes for all to see. I wish I had more careful thought out strokes that I would refine and refine, and it has been something I have worked on. Yet it is my brash and spontaneous spirit of quick strokes that has allowed me to take risks, sometimes-huge risks and sometimes those risks have provided me wondrous results while other times…they haven’t. Yet instead of letting those have nots stop me from continuing I try to remember that if you don’t try, you won’t have the opportunity to succeed. Each have not, I like to think I take something away with me a little gem, a new sparkle of hope and learning. So go, splash color on the page, if you spill down worry sometimes-profound beauty and learning can be achieved through accidents.

This month I am thinking about closing this year and being ready for the next. I am looking at getting mat like this to cover a portion of my concrete floor. Thinking how cool it would be to make cookies with these cookie cutters. Dreaming about snuggling in this hoodie And wanting this for fun and fitness of course! Only because I am enjoying probably a few to many of these yum yum.

Track what I am into each month here.