I hold onto a lot of fear, sometimes about silly things and sometimes about things that are really scary. I want to do more daring things, and I don’t mean jumping off cliffs (though that would be cool too). Sometimes the scary thing is to pick up the phone and ask for help, or write a letter or resignation, or ask another mom for their phone number so you can plan to get together. Fear offers opportunities for rejection, failure and humiliation. Fear is the giant elephant in the room that doesn’t say a word. Fear often holds me back, I don’t even try because I might fail, I worry so much that I might look stupid, that things won’t turn out in my favor that I never do them.
Perfection is my other nemesis, it is the shimmering mirage of water when you are stranded in a desert, just a few steps further and their will be water, but no, it is more steps and you can never arrive. With perfection you never arrive either, you will always fall just a little short of where you want to me.
I am overwhelmed by the need to have it perfect and the fear that it won’t be that I am frozen into inaction.
“It” could be a lot of things, but in this case “it” is a little playgroup that I am writing about. I have contemplated for some time now a playgroup, I have even made false starts, and semi attempts but I have never engaged seriously, so now I am. I have given myself a bit more time to plan, learn, grow and stretch myself, but I am really doing this (assuming there is interest). Now I get to wait and see and let fear and worry run free. Maybe no one will want to come, or maybe the moms will be mean, or maybe the kids will be wild and crazy, or maybe someone will laugh and point and “say she can’t carry a tune,” or maybe it will be ok. I will look fear, worry and complicated perfectionism in the face and say no more.
Care to join me and my two boys as we explore the world of imagination, play and story? Email me with your interest, or read a little more about the playgroup, Happy Fireflies, by clicking here.